my name is _____

i want you to know i'm not a nuthead or anything i'm just some girl out here
I MEAN, i don't like it when people call me that. whatever. i only learned how to actually use the internet well a year ago bc my mom was always super iffy about this stuff. rn i'm definitely like better adjusted to it, i think.
but i don't like this place so i made my own
like my friend helped me set it up but just the barebones so i can't have pretty pictures or something
it's fine though bc if i made it pretty more people would find me here, and syn doesn't like any of you he says people here can lie to you
mom said i'm really naive so i have to keep an eye out if u know what i mean
i want to keep notes
i want to write everything down so i won't forget

FORGETTING IS SUICIDAL!!!! i won't forget!!!!!

13.01.12 zephyrlilies or zephyrants or rain lilies they are a type of flower and their name originates from greek.
theyre really pretty, like this. i learned how to insert this on my own!!!!!
syn likes them. i wish we had some in here bc i know there were some lilies back in my hometown but idk if any were these kind.

05.02.12 community and sence of respect for the people in it is a very important part of a community driven by faith. we should not claim to be god and he is more moral than us
umm thats all i remembered... syn and his friends were giving me a rundown of the main church rules. i've been going for a while, and the things they say can be really hopeful. i hope there's someone out there who can help everyone. i tried to listen to the rules parts, but the words make my head fuzzy. i talk to rev m regularly tho but not like in a serious way that's creepy, i just ask him questions and he responds so i think i know some things.
he's the one who helped me with my memory, he told me to write things down. i want to put in effort because i want god to give me a better head. i think it's supposed to be like different from christianity god. when i told mom about syn and the church like 5 ish years ago when i was a baby and we juuust moved, i think she didn't really listen into it bc she just said "yes i told you you have to socialize with the kids around you so go see what that's all about + don't stay in all day playing games" so i guess she's just gonna be grumpy but it's ok bc i havent told her i began using the computer to help myself remember she will be so happy !

06.02.12 okay i got more. "The world is a staircase that becomes harder and harder to climb, so it's important to start right away. At any step, without expecting, you may find what you need. Purity of the soul is the clarity of the mind, one who has sullied his heart will be too heavy with the weight of the filth to step any higher." katya said that sounded like a sex thing and i can't unhear it
also there was like... smth about that whole purity thing I think it was essentially, you should listen to your parents, don't do drugs, bla bla bla but none of it applies to me anyway mostly. and i only skip school sometimes, so i think I'm good. i hope god can see how hard i work.
oh actually no ok apparently he doesn't like to be called god? syn said his dad told him he was like more of a creator and a faceless figure. i think it's kinda like how britain has a queen but the actual job is being done by the parliament. anyway the only like faceful figure is this mysterious N i keep hearing about is he like the jesus? (i went to a christian church twice with my mom when i was little but it was nothing like this and they were wrong anyway)

15.02.12 "Was he an animal if music could captivate him so? It seemed to him that he was being shown the way to the unknown nourishment he had been yearning for." quote from the metamorphosis which I HAVENT READ i just wanted to write it down bc my friend read it and he drew some stuff about the book. he should become a pro artist tbh but i don't think he wants to
here it is by the way!!!

i havent written in a while bc i havent had anything to memorize except for school stuff i'm just mostly trying to attend more tbh... leena got into the hospital and she's so little compared to the rest of us i feel like i want to protect her!! but i'm the second youngest so i had to like sneak in here n there getting notes for her. she's a model student so she can't miss anything but her classmates don't seem to wanna come give her notes, not sure why. there's been some bad talk. i'm going to ignore it... i'll just focus on making sure she studies well

29.02.12 i had this weird dream (well i have weird dreams alot i just feel like it was worth writing this one down) i was still a girl but i had butterfly wings.
but i would fly from house to house and see how people were doing. ad it was fun but then i got to syn's house and he had a bug repelant installed (he doesn't rly so theres a lot of mosquitos in the summer..)
and i started melting down, like my skin was boiling and bubbles popped on the surface. and then he like, looked at me and he told me this way i was the most beautiful girl in the world. it was kind of weird because that sounded gross but it was just a dream, i'm not sure what that meant though

08.03.12 i was talking to my friends and one of them not gonna say whoo bc she might not want this up on the internet but she said
i actually lost my train of thought writing whoops but she said her birth name wasn't really xxxxxx it was... well the same ammount of x-es but it was a diff name
and i know another friend of mine had like a girls name before and like i think people still call him that but he says not to tell them his new name
my friends back home called me mimi instead of my name but i think they were just stupid
at least it wasn't like a pun or something i know it's verrrrry punnable

31.03.12 the idea of attendance in class is stupid my mom doesn't care about teachers calling her to ask where i was anyway
syn's dad does, if i was a boy i would pretend to be him when i come to school xD so theyd get off his ass
i could dye my hair blonde but sadly i don't have his looong girly eyelashes
not sure why i wrote that down... it's not something i needed to remember. oh well